Hey, I’m Scott Milnes,
Founder of The Great Relationship Academy and creator of Healing from Heartbreak.
Where It All Started
Divorced at 29, I promptly went out and made just about every mistake humanly imaginable. Twice.
From partying like a wanna-be rock star, to chasing women I wouldn’t know what to do with even if I caught ‘em, to buying a lot of “stuff” I didn’t need, with money I didn’t have, to impress people I didn’t even know.
Life was a mess, but I just wanted to feel better, as fast as possible, by any means possible.
Spoiler alert- none of it worked. I quickly found myself hungover, twice as lonely, and 13.79 times deeper in debt. In my desperate attempt to feel better, I not only prolonged the pain- I magnified it.
And Things Didn’t Get Better From There
Over the next few years I stumbled in and out of various ‘situationships’, but none of them worked. Not even close. Truth was, I was a broken man only capable of another broken relationship. Time was passing, I was getting older, but I was still “choosing and doing” relationships with the same limited skill-set, and therefore getting the same miserable results. Ugh!
But All Of A Sudden
However, about 7 years after my divorce, I rekindled an old romance. We hadn’t spoken in years, and she reached out to see what I was up to. I was thrilled beyond words. You see, we had always shared a certain spark, but could never seem to hold the relationship together for any solid length of time.
You know- the classic “on-again, off-again”.
And so, in the beginning of 2006, we decided to try it one more time. Everybody say “ONE MORE TIME”!
High Hopes And Great Expectations
Things were great in the beginning (haven’t we all said that before), but it didn’t take too long for some serious cracks to appear in the foundation. Time had passed, we had both gotten older, but we were still the same people deep inside. We had the same limited relational skill-set, and so we were only capable of the same miserable results. Are you having a deja vu moment right now? Like you’ve heard (or read) this somewhere before? Hmm…you have 🙂
Things continued to get worse, and so about eight months into the relationship, I did one of the hardest things I had ever done. I broke up with her for what I knew would be the final time. We never saw each other again.
Back To Square One
The weeks that followed were some of the deepest and darkest valleys of my life. Loneliness, confusion, and heartache were my constant companions, and I seriously doubted it would ever get better.
And even though I was the one that chose to walk away, it didn’t make it any easier. If anything, it made it harder as I battled the constant “coulda, woulda, shoulda’s” and self-doubt.
I often joke that I’d rather have a broken arm than a broken heart, because at least with a broken arm, I have a pretty good idea when that’s going to heal. However, little did I know how close I was to a turning point that would forever change my life. And for the better!
The Night That Changed Everything
I remember dancing (if you can call it that) with this girl and my mind began swirling with all kinds of thoughts.
“Dude, you’re almost 40, divorced, a string of failed relationships, and here you are drinking and dancing with strangers….looking for love? Really??”
“This is what my life has come to? Trying to find love in a bar?
Again?? Has it ever worked before?”
And Then It Happened
I felt a strange sensation, as if my mind was shifting into a higher consciousness. I left the dance floor, walked back to the bar, and pulled up a chair.
And at that moment, on September 17th, 2006 at 12:32 in the morning, I had a profound spiritual awakening.
I felt the presence and heard the voice of a loving God breathe wisdom into my life. He said: “Scott, I have a will, and a plan, and a purpose for your life and it doesn’t involve any of this. I need you to put down that drink and walk out of this bar”. And so I did.
The next day I began to reach out to people I knew would understand the moment of clarity I’d just been given. God himself- and these wise men and women- offered many suggestions. And I took them.
The Gift Of Clarity
As the layers of the onion began to peel back, so did a miracle in my life. I began- for once in my life- to truly look at my choices and the reasoning behind them. And from this journey came true growth.
Now, time was passing, AND I was growing. That’s a pretty good feeling!
The equipping process began immediately. I went back to school and began to take every class, read every book, and attend every workshop, seminar, and sermon I could find about healthy love.
I desperately wanted to know what real love was, what it wasn’t, and how to tell the difference.
A Mission To Serve
Over time, I became a Certified Marriage Mentor, and led one of the largest divorce recovery programs in the U.S. My passion for helping the brokenhearted grew and grew, and finally turned into my mission and calling.
But at the end of the day, I’m just a regular guy who got his heart splattered, made a lifelong commitment to figure it all out, and share my findings.
Oh yeah, and there’s one more part of the story I wanted to save for last.
Hard Work Pays Off
After embracing a ‘season of singlehood’ and working on myself for almost 3 years, I re-entered the dating pool. Except this time, the “software” in my mind was completely different.
The way I looked at women had changed as much as how I looked at myself. And within a few months, I met an amazing woman. A good woman, with a good heart, from a good family, who would eventually become my wife. She truly is my greatest earthly blessing.
I truly hope my story is an encouragement to you and gives you inspiration that if you take a different path, you’ll reach a different, and better destination.
Fun Facts About Me
(never know when they'll come in handy...)
I remember seeing that movie for the first time and just about crapping my 9-year-old pants (I was 9- not the pants). It was the coolest thing my eyes had ever seen, and still blows me away today.
I started playing guitar around age 12 and spent my teens playing classic rock and hard rock.
I still play almost everyday. And yes, I had a sweet mullet in high school- don’t judge me 🙂
I’ve been riding motorized two-wheeled death machines since I was 13. After riding dirt bikes for a couple years, my dad brought home a real street bike: a 1978 Honda CB 400 Hawk.
My feet could barely touch the ground, but I relished every illegal minute of ride-time aboard that monster.
It crept into my vocabulary early in life, set up camp, and hasn’t left since. We’ve become close friends now.
Don’t be surprised if it slips out and I end up saying something like: “dude, I’m really proud of you- you’re doing great” Oh yeah, and be on the lookout for “awesome” and “groovy”.
I moved to California in 2001 for the main purpose of simply being able to enjoy nature more often. I love going to the mountains, desert, and the beach. And truthfully, I don’t care what I do when I’m there- I just like to be there. Ahhh, good ‘ol nature.